lets have coffee and a little chat

kay.
lots has gone on, which is my lame excuse for not blogging!
however, I wont get rid of the blog..
just took a break.







kids are growing up:

Our little family, is/has been going thru some major hard times.  We had a little bit of a break up.  Daddy and I.  Brings a lump to my throat to tell this world.  Cuz that makes it all the more real.
We tried.
we tried hard to keep it together we did.
The dream we were waiting for just didn't seem to come for us.
It wasn't going to come

So, despite the varied impeding reactions from our family, friends and acquaintances,
despite the massive wall of dark hurt and ripped open hearts,
the need for a full restructuring of housing, finances, memories, EVerythings,
despite the wonderful times we had,
the memories we made all over this country and the world,
despite the love we still have for eachother,
the beautyful kids we have together

...thought it was best to part ways.

I wont go into the reasons why. 

(i am balling writing this)
(there are many layers of grief)

It has been the hardest thing I recall going through.
Now that I have been through it, I have a different appreciation for divorces and break ups that I see.

I kept thinking:  how has ANYONE ever lived through this?!?!?!?!

I lived/am living through it.
cried about 4 gallons of tears out of my face this summer.

"and then the time came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was greater than the risk to blossom"
- Anais Nin



some things I have learned:

- Going thru a break up means grieving

- everyone goes thru grief differently and on different timelines

- Nothing is permanent... even those things you thought were set in stone

- growth is HARD,  and positive in the end.

- supportive friends, family and fellowships were crucial for me.  as was a journal

- "one day at a time" is a good slogan!

- saddness comes out like layers of the onion.
you think you're over that part, then a whole nother cry fest comes out of no where.
Its like the new sad thing has to be looked at from all perspectives in order to organize itself as real.

- children are incredibly bouncy and much more able to accept the present moment as it is than us.





Life goes on though!



I am grateful for my job
source of income
distraction from reality when needed!

and for the path that I am on

... however rough sometimes.  

My scars make me strong

I think THIS and THat about this and that...

 I guess this will just be in point form cuz I don't know where to begin - its been too long
I'm not giving up blogging, however neglectful I get!




- Littlest A is standing up by herself!
- she's 10 months
- she'll walk soon

-  too much has been happening.  too much of it not being what I'd planned
-  I am growing in self awareness.
-  Trying to live simply, focus on abundance but not be controlled by want for it



- this year I have about 13 different varieties of Tomatoes growing!
- from black cherrys to grays sweet to cherokee purple to indian stripe... Brandywine and romas...
- my greenhouse is seriously producing things every day.  

- starting to get fruits on the tomato plants!

- My garden this year is all fun!
- Its a mini Mandala (circle) garden!  a series of Keyhole gardens



- and then plants stuffed in every open space too!
- these photos can not describe the thing for how it feels to stand inside...
- but you may get the idea

- this year I mulched the heck out of the garden, dont want weeds and dont wanna water
- lots of mulching with sawdust
-got a big load of half rotten straw from a friend farming family

- I got a job.  Doing Carpentry! building a new hospital in this town
- I can not start the job until I get a drug test confirmed
- I have take TWO tests (requiring a 1.5 hour drive to the city to pee in a cup)
- BOTH tests were "diluted"
- so I can not start work.
- now I need a frickin doctor's note which takes 2 weeks to get into... wow.

- its ever so challenging because money is TIGHT at the moment

HAhaha, this is me in 2009 when I used to be a carpenter type worker!!  before children... and in the mountains...

- but in a way its ok, cus I am enjoying my kiddos more than ever right now.
- this is my affirmation I keep saying daily, trying to believe it:

"I am open and receptive to ALL the good and abundance in the universe! 
 THANK you, life!"

- I have Louise Hay to thank for that one :0)

Helping with the rhubarb cake!  She's ACTUALLY a good helper! already...

- two happy bonneted kids! (one being bitten by a mosquito)
- they take every possible chance to be naked...
- especially in the yard...  and by rivers..  and inside houses.


- my future seems uncertain although we do have big plans for the next couple years.

- one certainty is this:

I will always be on the right path.

...If I choose to believe that I am.

and yes, it IS that simple.

- me in my mid- 20's

- my heart aches for what I used to be and where I used to be. 

- the Yukon in particular.  I had planned to be there right now. 

- although I know that where I am is just as significant to my growth as a beam of light on this planet

- our home, our garden, our small town, our little flat province, our family, our friends : these are growing happy content kids.  

- when I chose to be content and happy with what I have, I truly am.

-If you are wondering what the hell's the somber back story about, that will come later...  when the time's right to share it.

Beet juice smiles

- we are doing the best we can with what we have.  Despite all the shit, I think its pretty good!
- i am grateful for my family.
- and Xavier Rudd.
- and banana ice cream.

little bub bubs.

this little tyke is the apple of my eye.

she brings me great joy.

thank goodness she is such a happy baby!

singing her across the bridge

 

A poem for my mother and all who shared similar experiences: 

this winter will not be matched by another in sorrowful drearyness. 

this winter that saw us

white knuckled creeping along unpassable iced blowing highways,

 freezing our extremities

 dragging our day packs, frozen water bottles, carseats and bodies 

in and out of tiny hospital rooms, 

up n down stairs, 

elevators,

running to plug frozen expired parking meters, 

retrieve a forgotten diaper

scarfing down fast food, too much coffee and "treats"

 to encourage good behavior... 

- or simply to quieten the toddler who had enough:

hanging around sterile white rooms that are not meant for kids.

- or just to get through another hour. somehow. 

with moaning and beeping of patients and heart monitoring machines,

chords running thru noses, veins, 

pumping life into some and out of others.

passing teary eyed visitors in long hallways 

with a knowing ness that you've never wanted to know.

long hugs and deep connected feelings between family and friends

the only good thing about a time like this.

and thank goodness for all that love. 

"why does Gramma Janice have that hose in her nose?" 

 because cancerous blackness courses thru her lungs & bones

threatens to take our mother, daughter, grandmother, partner, sister, friend,

from her daughters, granddaughters, friends, brothers&sisters, partner & mother.

holding that weak hand. 

looking into the glazed and familiar eyes.

the first eyes I have every looked into.

fixing her hair, 

rubbing the feet of the woman who rubbed everyone's feet!

reassuring her confusion with a shaky voice that its going to be OKAY... 

knowing that somewhere beautyful, soon,

 it will be better than its ever been, 

for her.

my heart heavier walking thru the EXIT door than its ever weighed before 

"i wanna go to our brown house", says homesick toddler

 dreary from another night in (loving) family member's spare room. 

ONE day at a time

bittersweet trips home to an empty house,

being welcomed by that familiar smell, those familiar things and lonesome blues,

tired from the long road.

walls who've heard too many tears for terminal and emotional:

dis ease.

a home who's family is one member short temporarily.

a daughter/mother/partner whose sunken eyes can not understand 

how she'll get thru this winter. 

the toddler thrilled with her own seemingly brand new, old toys.

then the voice on the phone telling how things have changed for the worse

could not, would not be understood until seeing her for myself

upon returning to the city

stresses high for everyone

hospital staff comforting beyond expectation

dim lit rooms with overnight hide-a beds, games and books

rooms to spend time in

while you wait. 

hoping for this pain to be over soon

knowing that its just about to begin

and then that day when we knew

how it would end,

 was what we'd be fearing for quite some time.

holding hands with her in our circle,

Four strong voices that sound kind of like hers did

harmonizing in and out of each other

finding a new meaning in the words of Amazing Grace

flowing with real and raw feeling thru the pitches and dips 

and singing her across the bridge

goodbye mom. 

I still can not believe this is forever.

Janice Nordin

Twinflower 2013 spring line up

Its Spring tradeshow time!!

If only spring would come. It snowed today.  April 11th that is. 

I been labeling like crazy.. had some great help! That makes the job so much more fun!

A batch of baby salve :

I use only safe ingredients in my products.

Upon realizing that almost ALL of the soap/moisturizer products at the drug store cause cancer and other horrible problems, I took it upon myself to create some of my own.

Our skin is a SPONGE.

I will never use toxic chemicals on my children's or my skin again.

for a free printable list to carry in your purse, click here. 

AAAnyways!

Here's the soap of the season.

a couple new flavors

Thieves Essential oil blend is fast becoming my favorite oil! 

Antibacterial, good cleanser and immune system booster.

another new flavor!

Tea too.

...and a cute baby!!
  

 see you at the 

Step into Spring Trade and Craft Show!!!

What and When to plant things in the North

 guest blogger: Katie English!!

Katie and Derrick Hastings have been organically farming in the Yukon for about 8 years.
I was trying to figure out when to plant what, indoors, so I asked her.
The info I got was too valuable to not share!
So she wrote me this lovely post about planting...

They live very far north - zone 0.

People said things can't be grown organically up there.  To that they said: "look at this wonderful garden produce!"

Remember they are zone zero, so adjust to your zone...
for instance:  if you live in Southern Saskatchewan, you are probably between zone 2 and 3.  So you can do things about 1/2 a week to 1 week earlier!

Here's Katie  (March 21st):

If you are anything like our family then you too are itching to get your hands in the dirt. Up here in Dawson City Yukon we are still seeing temperatures of -37,  lots of sunshine but plenty cold and plenty of snow covering that dirt. That’s okay though there are other ways you can get your spring on and get those hands dirty, like…. 

Starting some seedlings indoors! I know the question for most is what and when to start certain varieties. So I will tell you what our planting schedule is like.

When March rolls around the first thing you should really start thinking about is those leeks and onions, why you could have even started them as early as February…
 
Next for the beginning to the middle of March- Celery, Tomatoes, Peppers and herbs such as Oregano, Thyme, Rosemary and Parsley. 

Some flowers are ready to start now like Lobelia, Hollyhock, Lavender, and Salvia

Mid to end of March- You can still start herbs, Tomato's and peppers (they just wont have as much of a head start) as well it is time to start Eggplants, Snapdragons, petunias and pansy.

Beginning of April - cucumbers, asters, alyssum, chrysanthemum, verbena, poppy.

Mid April - Broccoli, Cabbage, Kohlrabi, Kale, Cauliflower, Brussel Sprouts, Collards, Lettuce, Melons, Basil, Dill Tarragon, Calendula, Cosmos, Marigolds, Bachelors buttons and Zinnias

End of April/beginning of May- Zucchinis, Squash, more lettuce and greens.



You can direct seed outdoors as soon as the ground can be worked.  Your seeds will instinctively know when they should sprout outside.

Your seedlings need lots of light to grow strong and healthy. If you have a large south facing window this may be enough light to keep your seedlings strong.  If you do not have enough natural sunlight you can consider supplementing with full spectrum lights.  If your plants do not get the light they need in the beginning, they become long and spindly.  This is your plant's attempt to reach out for the light it requires.  Long spindly plants have weak stems and therefore the plant becomes weaker.  However, not all is lost, there are ways to remedy this situation.  You can pot up your plant completely covering the stems, this will help to strengthen the stem and in turn strengthen your plant.

When the days become warm enough you should start bringing your seedlings out during the day to harden them off.  Exposing the plants to natural elements will help prepare them for the day they are to be planted out.   If you do not harden them off, your plants can go in toa a state of shock when you transplant them setting them back a couple of weeks.  Make sure not to plant anything out until after your last frost date.  

Happy Planting!
From the Northern Clan
Katie, Derrick, Autumn, Cecilia and James  

Katie and her blueberry faced daughter on a hike (S.Frisch in back)

 

Check out their Facebook page on which you can purchase some GREAT salves, teas, seeds and oils.

I know the products they make are lovely and effective because 
I have been using them for years.  

The teas are beautyful and a lot of it is homegrown or wild crafted.

~ Gratitude Sunday ~

 

 

 

 

{Sunday's heartfelt tradition. A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful. A list of gratitudes.} 

*
If you would like to join us, see below. 

 

Our gratefulness feeds one another.

 

Today is the same calender day that I was born 33 yrs ago.

 

I am grateful to have cuddled with my two babies this morning, 

to feel and smell their soft baby skin and hear their baby breathing sounds.

 

To eat some yummy birthday pie for breakfast!!

 

...that I found the recipe for this lovely raw food, vegan sugar free banana cream pie. 

(recipe will be the next post)

 

SO Grateful for friends traveling on crazy snowdrifted icy SK roads to come here on my 

birthday weekend!  and the ones who set the suprise up.

 

My mother used to suprise me EVERY birthday. somehow. even though every birthday was the same!  

You'd think I'd expect it almost...  

 

to be reminded of my mother through the kindness of others on this first birthday without her.

 

I am grateful that perhaps maybe this snow stormy weather might be breaking up now.  I see ice-kuddles (that's what Attie calls them!)  melting - the sun is really out.

 

For a rejuvenated sense of wanting to be good to my body through movement and clean food.

 

ever so grateful for seeds growing in my house!!  

I am challenging myself with sk native seeds which are tricky little things with lots of rules... 

unless of course they are left under the snow in the fall to germinate! 

 Nature's laws are very straight foreword and funny to try copy indoors...

 

I am grateful for hope. for support groups that exist through frustrating times.

 

I am grateful for the crisp full breaths that come on nice winter days. 

making me want to just DRINK full cups of winter air.       

feeling it healing my lungs and freshening my energy on different levels.

 

for the soap batches that made themselves appear, 

readying for the spring handmade show here in town. 

 

I am grateful for all the interest that showed up when a friend and I decided to start a local food 

permaculture movement here in town.  

 

I am ever so grateful for the permaculture movement expanding everywhere you look!

growing communities worldwide full of ALL good ideas!

 earth care, people care, fair share. 

 

I am grateful for my family circle which I feel has grown stronger with the loss of mother.

Goes without saying that I miss her every day, yet knowing I can phone a sister and get the same energy that she had to fill my cup, brings me relief.

 

Grateful for elderly and not so elderly neighbors who show their kindness

 to the "newish" family on the block, so generously.  

I feel like family here even though I have known them for such a short while.

I feel like I have a new grandfather, cousins and aunties :0)

 

Again. I am ever so grateful for my sweet little girls. 

whom I love more than anything on this universe. 

 

 

I am grateful for my shower, which is where I am headed!